“The purpose of life is to be restored back to Love, moment to moment. To fulfill this purpose, the individual must acknowledge that he is 100 percent responsible for creating his life the way it is. He must come to see that it is his thoughts that create his life the way that it is moment to moment. The problems are not people, places, and situations but rather the thoughts of them. He must come to appreciate that there is no such thing as ‘Out There.’ ” – Dr. Ihaleakela Hew Len, from Zero Limits
Lately my life has been in a pretty much constant state of change. This is most likely a very good thing, but as an habitualized human being it has been very difficult to first accept and then to cope with. Lacking awareness of the warning signs of impending change on either a physical, emotional, or intellectual level, it was shocking to find myself no longer grounded by any of the things which I had taken for granted in my life – family, home, purpose. Instead of spending time working to build our house with my love on a plot of land in the Colorado mountains which we had recently moved on to, a life and purpose which we had been planning together and working towards for years, I now find myself alone, navigating the process of divorce, separated from my land and the home I was working to build, and nearly possession-less. To say that drastic change has found me would be an understatement.
Initially these events left me feeling hopelessly depressed, completely lost, lacking any sense of understanding, and very angry. I felt unable to enjoy the things which I loved the most and make me the happiest – running, reading, hanging out with friends, being alone amongst nature. Time slowed down to the point where it actually stopped for a while. This change began almost two months ago, and yet to me I have aged years in that amount of time. A single day now takes the same amount of time in my brain as weeks in the past routine. Everything felt excruciating, all advice was helpful but really didn’t actually help, and complete emotional breakdowns were a daily occurrence which were always waiting around hidden corners, just waiting for me to trip on the unseen and unanticipated. During moments of lucidity I was smart enough to realize that I needed a massive reset, and the best way for me to be me again would be to go on an “off-the-deep-end” kind of trip, but plane tickets bought six weeks off were virtually no consolation, too far away to look forward to.
Luckily for me I have a great family and some fantastic and very thoughtful and compassionate friends. I moved into the spare room at my dad’s house in Broomfield outside Denver, moved my business there, hung out with my brother, dad, and friends day in and day out, speaking to anyone who cared on the phone, and there were many great people who did care, and did my best to fill every waking moment with entertainment, lest I find myself alone and full of unhappy thoughts. Time began ticking again, but things really were not any clearer or better in my brain and heart.